Malaysian Muslims are in a huge uproar over pig DNA that was detected in two varieties of Cadbury’s chocolate bars (read more). Fingers are pointing everywhere - JAKIM (the halal certification agency), the Health Ministry, and of course, Cadbury themselves. (What, nobody accusing saboteurs?) Some Muslims even want their stomachs pumped or are demanding that Cadbury pay for their blood transfusions. Quothe Ms. Sabariah Abdullah from the Allied Coordinating Committee of Islamic NGOs, which represents 18 major Islamic NGOs in Malaysia, “We are what we eat. [As a result of consuming pig DNA], our faces will also look like pigs. Psychologically, we will also become like pigs.” Now, everyone knows that is ridiculous. Pigs are very intelligent.
Nevertheless, if Miss Sabariah and her ilk are still seeking a remedy, I recommend they try this:
Why get your knickers in a twist over such a small matter, really? Yes, a very small matter! Cos you have all been consuming pig DNA your entire lives, and all the products are approved and recommended by Jakim and the Healthy Ministry. So why are you suddenly so upset now?
Here are four things containing pig DNA that you have been consuming since before you were even born:
Vaccines
Vaccines contain four kinds of pig products:
- The culture. Viruses, like all living things, need food to survive. They are parasites that cannot forage for their own food, so they have to live off their hosts. Some viruses survive better in chicken eggs, some on sup tulang (bovine serum), some prefer exotic monkeys (vero cells), and some like good ol’ pork soup (porcine serum). Yep, viruses also like bakuteh! It’s a universal favourite! And then all that is put into the needle because there is no way to isolate the virus from the soup. I’ll explain in a minute why it’s ok to drink pork soup but not ok to inject pork soup, regardless of whether you are a Muslim, Jew or atheist. Oh, and what about bovine serum? Was the cow, calf or foetus killed in a halal manner? What about the pig? Was it slaughtered in a halal manner too? Things to think about... There are no half-measures.
- Pig cells. Viruses are unable to reproduce by themselves. They have to hijack a host animal’s cells and use its DNA-replicating mechanism to replicate themselves. Since no human has volunteered to be locked up in a lab for the rest of their lives so that they can be jabbed every day, and because no living thing makes a good host because their immune system would kill the viruses in a few days, any replication of viruses must be done in a petri dish, outside of the body and away from the immune system. Different viruses fare better in different animals, and one of the animals used is the pig. (Side note: Scientists are unable to create vaccines for some viruses because they cannot survive in any animal other than humans.) The pig’s cells are isolated and cultured in the lab, then infected with viruses which then hijack the cells to create more viruses. Doctors then buy these viruses and sell them to healthy people who are looking to get sick (cari sakit).
- Pork gelatin. Gelatin is added to most vaccines. Gelatin in vaccines are derived from pigs, unless otherwise specified.
- Pig viruses. Technically, this is not pig since it is a virus, not a pig. But, since it came from a pig.... Now, most Muslims would say that pig faeces is haram, but faeces is not really pig, although it came from one. What about viruses that came from a pig (“of porcine origin”) but is not a pig - so, is it halal or not? Pig viruses like the porcine circovirus (which contaminated the Rotarix diarrhoea vaccine) and swine flu virus (engineered by Roche to reduce the population of stupids and renamed H1N1 so as not to lose Muslim customers) are not pigs, although they did come from the bowels and blood of a pig. Well then, I shall leave the holy and shmoly to decide for you whether you are going to heaven or hell.
To those who fed your kids Cadbury and are now jumping up and down and demanding a blood transfusion or dialysis, please don’t subject your kids (and the rest of the world) to your moronism because once food reaches your stomach, your stomach acid will break it down into amino acids, lipids, sugar, water, etc. - no DNA enters your bloodstream because that would create all kinds of havoc. But vaccines - now, these pig DNAs are injected whole and directly into your bloodstream. And not just DNA, because when you inject serum from a pig, you inject whatever else may be in there, like unidentified viruses. That was how the rotavirus vaccine was contaminated by pig viruses (and how the polio vaccine was contaminated in the 1960’s by the AIDS virus from African monkeys, which was not identified until 10+ years later). Injecting pig DNA, pig serum and pig gelatin is wayyy worse than eating all that because there is nothing in your blood to digest or break down foreign matter. (That is why 90% of your immune system is in your gut, not your blood - because most viruses enter through your mouth, not your arm.) Plus, everything in the vaccine is coated with vegetable oil (usually peanut or wheatgerm oil, causing peanut and wheat allergies when your body creates immunity to these foreign matters) as a sort of timed-release mechanism in order to slow down its deterioration once out of the bottle and in your bloodstream. Remember, things cannot be digested in your bloodstream, they can only degrade - meaning break down into smaller pieces, but never be reduced into its basic materials like in your stomach. So all that pig DNA you injected? They swirled around in your blood for a loooong time. Much longer than it took for the one you ate to go down the toilet - and even then, that DNA never entered your blood. Now go sue the Health Ministry and ask them to pay for you and your kids to get a full-body and brain transplant! Good luck finding a donor who has never injected pigs before though.
See the complete list of ingredients for all vaccines. Anything that says ‘human cells’ means it came from an aborted human foetus - another ingredient that Jakim has certified halal. Anything for money!!!
Cigarette Filters
Admit it - you’ve been consuming smoked pork and subjecting your children to second-hand smoked pork for years. We all know char siew is delicious, and so do you.
And who approved this for your consumption? The Health Ministry has stamped their stamp of approval very clearly on all the boxes, no? You know whom to sue. Besides, doesn’t the Quran say that it is haram to knowingly consume anything that is harmful to the body? So don’t forget to sue yourselves too, and the smoker in your family. Now you need a lung, brain, liver, kidney, tongue, mouth and nose transplant. Oh, you might as well go the whole hog and transplant your entire body cos it’s all contaminated anyway, and not just by pig cells. Surely you can’t get into heaven after knowingly pumping your body full of 5,000 toxic chemicals 40 times a day, every day for years and years! Nobody wants you and your stinky breath there.
Drinking Water
So wild boar poos and pees on the soil, rain washes poo and pee into the river, and voila, it’s all in your tap water! When the boar dies, its body decomposes and its meat, blood and juices are washed into the river too. So everybody consumes pig DNA every day, and you’ve been doing it since the day you were conceived. If you don’t like it, you’d just have to move to another country cos pigs were here first.
Oranges
Well, I guess if the Health Ministry says it’s ok to eat, then it must be, right? After all, they are the ones who approved the sale of cigarettes to protect your health. Yeah, something like that. So I guess oranges with pig DNA must also be good for you. (We do not have GMO oranges here yet, but it’s just a matter of time.) The Ministry of Natural Resources and Environment has time and again deferred the labelling of GMO foods, so that you would not know what you are eating. Gee, I wonder what they’re trying to hide.... I guess if food were labelled clearly like vaccines, everyone would stop eating processed food and it would make a big dent in their cronies’ pockets, so your ignorance is their bliss.... So just shut up and drink your pork orange juice like the good non-protesting citizen that you are supposed to be!
You have been unprotestingly consuming pig DNA every single day since before you were even born. If you are like most sheeple, you didn’t once get upset about it or sued anybody or pumped your stomach. So why get upset over a bit of chocolate now? What, you didn’t know? Well, now that you know smoking is haram, are you gonna quit?
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