We
can demonize and stereotype homosexuality but the reality of the
community – their lives, their loves, their families – is as varied and
rich as that of the straight world. Meet Burnz Fernandez, Steve Price
& daughter … see, nothing here to fear, people! Image @ Huffington Post
I got a link yesterday from my sister,
an article from the
Chicago Tribune, about
a small town in the Northeastern part of Illinois where we spent a good
chunk of our wonder years. This sweet, bucolic beach town, Crystal
Lake, Illinois, was not in the news for something noble or noteworthy,
but rather because they had the dubious distinction of becoming the
“first church in the Chicago area” to decide they would no longer
sponsor a local Boy Scout troop because of that organization’s decision
to accept members who are gay. From the
Chicago Tribune:
It’s believed to be the first church in the Chicago area
to take such a step, though some evangelical churches in the South have
also severed ties with Scout troops, and church and scout leaders alike
expect more houses of worship to wrestle with the issue.
In response [to the Scouts' decision], the pastor of St. Elizabeth
Ann Seton Catholic Church notified local Scout officials by mail last
week that the Cub Scout pack and Boy Scout troop it chartered will have
to find a new meeting place.
The Rev. Brian Grady wrote that the Boy Scouts are “condoning” homosexuality, which the church opposes.
“For a young boy to (have to) share a tent or be exposed to other
boys who are openly homosexual is not only unjust, but immoral,” Grady
wrote. “As a former Boy Scout, I know how uncomfortable it would have
been to have to be in close proximity with boys that would perhaps be
looking at me as more than just a friend.”
Grady said he was saddened to be “forced to make this decision.” In
an interview, he said: “We welcome those individuals … but we also
recognize certain actions are not to be encouraged.
This from a priest in the Catholic church, the same religious
organization that, systemically and for decades, has not been terribly
concerned about its boys’ (and girls’) exposure to pedophilia priests
who certainly looked at those children as “more than just a friend”;
priests who went way beyond “close proximity” right into rape and
intimidation, creating a legacy of
molestation,
lies, and
legal manipulations that
have damaged more lives than can possibly be counted. THIS is the
church that finds it ‘uncomfortable’ to allow a troop of Cub and Boy
Scouts to meet in the church basement because that organization will now
accept young men who, created in God’s image, are gay.
There will be readers, even some from Crystal Lake, who will
predictably comment that the church is a private organization and within
its legal rights to make such a decision. They’ll add that the Catholic
church has long made clear their philosophy about homosexuality so this
decision is expected and consistent with their policy. And since I’m
able to anticipate that accurate but pansy-ass response, let me offer my
own in preemptive strike.
I DON’T CARE. This isn’t about what’s legal, what’s within anyone’s
rights, or what’s expected. It’s about what’s ethical, what’s honorable,
what’s loving, tolerant and in true alignment with the teachings of
Jesus Christ. It’s about stepping beyond what’s expected to do what’s
better than that.
But tell that to Father Grady and his congregation. Tell that to the
countless commenters under the Trib piece who echoed the good Father’s
hollow hypocrisy. They don’t care what’s honorable or loving; they’ve
got
their Bible backing them up.
And don’t dare try to point out the inconsistencies and illogic of that
notorious tome; they don’t want to face logic or consistency. They
don’t want to hear that, beyond its rants about homosexuals,
the Bible also says
you won’t get to heaven if you’re a drunkard, you can’t eat shrimp or
that ham sandwich, and you’re damned if you round the corners of your
beard… but let’s not get nitpicky.
It’s all about fear. And fear is a beast.
What about homosexuality terrifies people so much? If you read those
comments under the Tribune article (or any comments under any piece on
LGBT issues), you can’t miss the tone of rigidity, judgement, and
revulsion, right up to an almost irrational rage and anger. Fear.
Down-dirty-fist-balling-teeth-gritting fear.
But why? Really, why? I get unfamiliarity, awkwardness, even
discomfort, but why the rabid, rigid, revolted fear? Let’s break it down
and see if we can’t shed at least a little light on what, beyond
Biblical rhetoric, is so feared about homosexuality.
The 10 Most Feared Myths About Homosexuals And Why They’re Wrong:
1. Gay sex is disgusting, it makes me sick to think about it.
First suggestion: don’t think about it. But more importantly, how often do you actually sit around and think about straight
sex? I mean, really, really envision the sweating, grunting, jaw-aching
gymnastics of straight sex from an objective perspective? If you take
away love, attraction, and participation, and look at generic, grinding,
animal sex from distance, with objectivity and the
anatomical/gynecological view, any sex – gay or straight – can look a
little disgusting (come on, that porn with the all-girls ‘soccer team’
and their ‘initiations’ with play-things as big as bats??). Gay sex
falls into the same wide spectrum of experience as straight sex and if
we judged each other by the prettiness, choreography, and appeal – or
lack thereof – of our sexual activities, odds are we’d all be cringing
from time to time.
2. A child doesn’t come into his or her
sexuality until puberty, making them a blank slate that can be
influenced and manipulated toward the homosexual lifestyle; thus being
around gays can ‘turn them.’
Balderdash. Regardless of the sexual changes and awakenings that come
with puberty, a child comes into this world with an individual genetic
map and “
the environment a child grows up in has nothing to do with
what makes most gay men gay. Two of the most convincing studies have
proved conclusively that sexual orientation in men has a genetic cause.”
(We’ll presume women, as well.) Meaning, listening to Liza Minelli,
putting mylar wallpaper in the bedroom, playing with trucks instead of
dolls, or lying next to a homosexual boy in Scout camp will
not make a child gay if he or she is not genetically set up that way. In short, you can’t “catch it.”
3. A child can be influenced by gays to try homosexual behaviors they might not otherwise.
I’m not even going to get into the science of this, I’m only going to
ask you to picture one thing, Mr., Mrs. or Ms. Straight Person: could
anyone make you feel sexually attracted to your own gender?
Putting aside violent sexual coercion, could anyone convince you to have
sex with someone of your gender? I didn’t think so. Sexual orientation
is a genetic predisposition, not a whimsy. Putting aside the silly girls
who kiss each other for their boyfriends’ benefit without any authentic
urge to do so, you can’t make somebody gay if they are not gay. On the other hand, if you feel like you could be
seduced into a homosexual encounter, perhaps there’s more to your
sexual psyche than you’ve realized and that might need some honest
exploration.
4. Homosexuals secretly want to spend time with kids so they can convince them of the gay lifestyle.
Uttered by a straight person with a straight face. If you sat down
with a Nazi and asked them about Jews, they’d vomit up a litany of
heinous descriptions to ascribe to the demographic. Ask a KKK member
about blacks and they’ll run off a list of traits so vile as to make
your stomach turn. Any straight person who fears homosexuality can be
counted on to say something this offensive and ridiculous as well. Gay
people have no interest in recruiting kids to the lifestyle… they don’t
score points for statistics. That’d be Scientologists and Mary Kay
salespeople.
5. Child molesters tend to be homosexuals:
This is a big one. We look at the sexual scandal in the Catholic
church and the presumption is that because it involved men having sex
with boys, as well as girls, the likelihood is that most of those
priests are gay; from there we can extrapolate that most child molesters
are gay. Except that’s wrong. It leaves out a tremendous amount of
qualifying and control factors that must be applied to make such a
judgement. In fact, actual studies have proven otherwise. From
Facts About Homosexuality and Child Molestation, Psychology/UC Davis:
Are homosexual adults in general sexually attracted to
children and are preadolescent children at greater risk of molestation
from homosexual adults than from heterosexual adults? There is no reason
to believe so. The research to date all points to there being no
significant relationship between a homosexual lifestyle and child
molestation. There appears to be practically no reportage of sexual
molestation of girls by lesbian adults, and the adult male who sexually molests young boys is not likely to be homosexual. [Emphasis added.]
6. Homosexuals have no morals.
Profoundly not true. This is based on the aforementioned
Biblical judgment of homosexuals as sinners and not based in fact. Any
human being of any race, creed, color or sexual orientation can run the
gamut from sinner to saint; one’s sexual orientation has not a damn
thing to do with morality. All one has to do is read a paper, watch the
news or spend a little time in modern culture to see that morality is a
dilemma and challenge for a great many people, some of whom are straight
as arrows. This argument is akin to one rampant during the pre-civil
rights era, when conventional wisdom said black men were genetically
predisposed to be more criminal, violent and amoral than white men.
Nobody believes that anymore, do they??
7. Homosexuals think their lifestyle is superior and, therefore, are out to convince straight people to become gay.
In the great big world and its gamut of personalities, I cannot say
there is no one who might feel that way. But as a person who’s been
around gays since I majored in theater in college and worked in the
catering industry in Hollywood, it is my experience, and that of many
others I know, that most gay people could care less what straight people
are doing with their body parts and are more concerned with convincing
other gay people they like to go out with them. Just like straights,
they’re looking for love, and ‘all the right places’ is where other
homosexuals are, not straight people they’d have to browbeat into
‘becoming’ gay. What a colossal waste of time that would be! Strangely,
and conversely, I have known straight women in love with men who were
clearly gay, but who remained convinced they could love, love, love that
man right into a straight relationship. Never happened, unless they
were Mormons or, again, Scientologists and had no choice but to live the
fake straight life.
8. Homosexuals believe every straight person is really just a latent homosexual.
I knew a guy in college and a woman in that catering company who
thought exactly that. Everyone else? Naw. Just as straight people are
clear that a portion of our population really is gay,
homosexuals are aware that straight people exist as an authentic
majority. They may be dedicated but they’re not delusional.
9. All gay people want to do is f**k, which is why they’re disgusting.
I actually had someone say this to me. Beyond the fact that it’s only
as true for gay people as it is for straights, when did we start
putting a judgment on the human urge to have sex? Have you ever been in a
straight college bar, the gym on Main Street, or the produce aisle at
Target? Most sentient people who have a pulse and a libido want
to have sex and if it can come with peace, love and understanding, all
the better. For some, sure, it’s just about sex. That goes for straight
people as well as gays. If you find that disgusting, be clear that it’s a
revulsion that should be fairly spread across the orientation gamut.
10. Gay men are swishy and effeminate, and lesbians are all bitchy dykes, both of which really creep me out.
There is no denying these characteristics are present in
some of the LGBT community. There are also very macho male athletes who
don’t have a swishy bone in their body, handsome leading men who can
handily play womanizers on TV, sweetly feminine women who wear Manolo
Blanik’s, and models who would make a straight man drop to his knees.
Like any demographic, members of the LGBT community are a diverse bunch
when it comes to types, styles, looks, subcultures, and sartorial
preferences. If the culture of the 50s and 60s could handle Liberace
without ‘knowing’ he was gay, how about this 21st century getting a pair
and learning to accept all kinds? Just think about how many “creepy”
straight people gays have had to put up (think Michele Bachmann, Rush
Limbaugh, Pat Roberson and the cabal at the GOP). Get over it.
It’s likely there are more myths and misunderstandings that could be
put under the microscope but this is a good start. A culture thrives on
its ability to embrace the entirety of its people and, conversely, is
diminished by the continued marginalizing and demonizing of those whose
genetic makeup puts them in a category both feared and fictionalized.
One can hope that a new thought, a focused look at something that might
not have ben looked at before, could change someone whose fear of
homosexuality is so great they cannot embrace tolerance and acceptance.
But, odds are, it won’t. Given the religious underpinnings of most
homophobes, it’s more likely a burning bush will have to block the path
before any significant change can be expected. I’m waiting for that
conflagration… I’m a patient woman.
But until then, I hope the Scouts in Crystal Lake finds a more loving, more tolerant, more Christian
sponsor for their troop. As I recall, even amongst the bigots, the
intolerants and the fearful, there were enough good, open-minded people
in that midwestern town that those boys can surely find someone to
welcome them in.
